Naglalakad pa rin ako…
I usually walk home afterwork, first of all because my apartment is just near ABS-CBN (but almost everyone disapproves). Secondly, I think way much better when I’m walking and I enjoy it.
One time I decided to go home late, while walking home I decided to stop and grab some coffee in “Baang”. Well, I have nothing to do anyway, no one’s waiting for me, so I decided sit out first and wait till I tire myself out. It’s been 4 years, well actually more than 4 years since I have been single. The weird things is you notice a lot of people in a relationship when you’re the one who is single. Is it just me or its really that way. (It’s probably just me). Most of the tables are filled with Occupied pairs, couples, love birds, sweet things, cupcakes, babes, honeybunches and even daing at kamatis or whatever they want to call themselves. Then I realized wow! I’m the only one who is sitting alone. I looked around and saw the couples laughing, smiling at each other saying sweet nothings, crazy promises and caressing each other. Some of those would just probably be part of my imagination but you get the idea. Then the music of Bruno Mars echoed in the area in the tune of “Just The Way You Are” and believe me it didn’t help any... Love filled the air so thick I could grab a sandwich and make Love sandwiches using the air. (then later on the lights turned red due to love but it was just part of my imagination.) It’s like I want to get out of my chair and distribute condoms to everyone saying “practice safe sex!”. Well basically I don’t have condoms with me, so I decided not. Finding a way to fend the consuming air of love I decided to reach inside my bag to find book and good thing I have one entitled “Ross Perot: My life and principles for success” and I started reading. Wow! This is very moving I almost dropped on the floor weeping because I found out “that believing in yourself, is the first part of being successful”
As I have finished my coffee got bored reading someone else' life I decide to leave.
Then it hit me… a strange feeling…
Fear…
I actually fear leaving alone…
Dreaded by the idea of leaving all by myself…
Loneliness
Just fucking loneliness
I don’t want to accept it but there its was… right in front me…
The feeling that no one cares, no one would notice, no one thinks of you…
I’m supposed to be a happy guy, I got lots of friends, a wonderful family a
good job…
And to tell you the truth I’m over it… I’m fine really fine, I don’t even think about what happened anymore…
Still I felt a inner ache that I never thought was there… a deep longing within me
To have someone to talk to, to hold on and to be held in return…
Can someone give me a hug? (preferably female)
No, its not lust that I am feeling it’s just pure unadulterated loneliness…
It was really painful going home alone that day…
But I know I have to go on…
"It is a very painful journey, but the pain urges one to continue walking. If the journey were not painful, one would be tempted to stop- and slow down along the way" - Bo Sanchez
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